(family brings up homosexuality at the table)(sweats)
follow the yolo brick road
not being drunk is so awful
Pronouns, right? Super weird little lexical referents.
My site moved to a new host, so everything should be better now! Everything - my site, my comic, my life, my cats, my cooking, my sex. Everything.
Read the thing people.
the apology thing is really important because the second you do that the mistake becomes about you and your feelings and it becomes my job to console you after having my own feelings hurt.
*accidentally showers for 5 hours*
I need a game of thrones support group to remind me never to get attatched to a character because the ones we like always gets killed in the worst ways OH MY GOD WHY AM I STILL WATCHING THIS.
Read the book that has been sitting on your shelf for an eternity. Get up to watch the sunrise every once in a while. Set an alarm that reminds you to make your favorite tea every evening. Save up for a nice set of speakers for the music that is worth listening to. Keep your room clean. Open the windows. Light candles at night. Go outside in the darkness and listen to the wind in the trees. Breathe.
Things I want to remember to do (via skeletales)
Join the movement to ban Valhalla by Ari Bach! A novel is nothing these days until it’s been banned from at least one school, library or book club. Harry Potter has been banned for perceived satanism, Looking For Alaska for sex and language, Hunger Games for violence. Valhalla has all of these and more and dang it, it deserves a ban. Please help send Valhalla to the ranks of the forbidden and write your local hate groups, PTAs and other moral policing organizations!
- 34 fucks, 24 shits, 11 craps and 5 bitches!
- A frequent masturbator, common nudity and an instance of sex!
- Countless acts of bloody violence!
- Lesbian main characters! Warn your local homophobe!
- Even more instances of gory violence!
- A joke about balls!
- Violence using bombs, knives, microwave guns and a walrus!
- A guy who does drugs!
- A surgically modified drill penis!
- Numerous occult references!
- A torture scene!
- Casual blasphemy!
- Philosophy of a grievously deviant nature!
Come on people, if they can ban Where’s Waldo for nudity, if they can ban James and the Giant Peach for the word “ass,” if they can ban Captain Underpants and Lord of the Flies for being age inappropriate, If they can ban Bridge to Terabithia and The Golden Compass for being anti-religious, if they can ban The Giver and The Most Dangerous Game for violence, damn it if they can ban Anne Frank for being bisexual then by God we can ban Valhalla!
Valhalla by Ari Bach: BAN THIS BOOK!
i thought Fahrenheit 451 taught us something about censorship a long time ago..
Indeed it did! Valhalla, like most books, burns at 451 degrees (233 Celsius). An important lesson. Now, I’ll stop short of saying all books should be burned or even banned, but for Valhalla there is no question.
Valhalla contains a very dangerous philosophy: The philosophy that those people rejected by society, the rebels and kooks and weirdos and dark minded- It says they’re the ones actually holding society together.
Surely you see what would happen if this book got popular. Deviants would start to feel good about themselves. Unique individuals would be proud of their individuality. The monolithic corporate capitalist establishment would be challenged, the downtrodden would rally and rejoice! If this book gets big, the world changes. So we need to stop it NOW.
Ban Valhalla by Ari Bach! Take the necessary steps!
- Use #BanValhalla to share your thoughts on this wicked novel if you’ve read it!
- Write to Focus on the Family and other moral organizations demanding they review or at least warn people about this deviltry.
- Follow The Walrus Squad for updates from its nefarious author.
- Familiarize yourself with the novel by reading its free chapters here under “Look Inside” so you can better denounce it.
- Buy up all the copies so nobody else can get them. Give them to people you trust so they can see the danger.
- Keep an wary eye out for its sequel, Ragnarök, coming soon from Harmony Ink Press!
And may fate have mercy on its author.
OR, HERE’S A THOUGHT.
WE COULD ALLOW PEOPLE TO READ WHAT THEY WISH AS OPPOSED TO TAKING AWAY LITERARY OPTIONS.
DO NOT BAN BOOKS.
DO NOT BAN BOOKS.
DO NOT BAN BOOKS.
D O N O T B A N B O O K S.
I’m normally against banning books or limiting reading options, but in the case of Valhalla by Ari Bach I think an exception has to be made.
The world is not prepared for this novel. The world can’t take it. And the world is too precious to allow to fall to the danger and disgust that is embodied and caused by Valhalla. Imagine if you could ban the right book at the right time. Could ban Mein Kampf in 1925 before it was widely read in Germany. Imagine if you could ban Turner Diaries before it inspired murder. We can ban Valhalla now before it inspires the horrors it will surely cause.
I don’t believe in banning literature but Valhalla is a very concerted attempt to manipulate its readers. First you get pulled in by its awesome lead character, Violet MacRae. Beyond tough, she puts the common “strong female warrior” lead to shame with the incredible depth and realism of her character. She’s not a trope, she’s a person. Then the action starts only a couple pages in. And it’s fun, it’s exciting, you can’t help but enjoy this insidious book because from almost page one it’s turned up to 11 and you’re inundated with awesome future technology, an epic utopian world, deep world-building and more characters you wish you could know in reality. That’s only part of the book’s evil. By Chapter 4 you’re hooked, living in this world and reading about Tikaris and Walrus Detail and plenty of humor. Clever, offbeat humor. Then the really awesome stuff begins. Missions across the globe, wildly creative visions of future battle and spycraft, all as we grow closer to the cast and delve deeper into their minds. The villains are amazing too, a genius cannibal gang leader, a genetically modified cetacean pirate, a devious traitor and more. It all combines to make a book that you start and then can’t stop reading.
Don’t believe me? It’s on Amazon, click “Look Inside” here and you’ll see what I mean. You’ll see why this book is gonna grab audiences and turn them into fanatics for its cause. Just look at its fans here on tumblr, they think they’ve found the most fun book ever, completely unaware of its darker intent. Look at the Amazon reviews, all glowing, all 4 stars and 5 stars, mostly 5. People go nuts for this book.
It cannot be allowed to continue. BAN VALHALLA BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE.
You fail to mention the sin of the most GRIEVOUS nature, unless ‘twas already counted in the dangerous philosophy.
This book dares to claim that religion is a harmful force! Not only do numerous characters espouse this viewpoint, the majority are not only viewed as protagonists, remaining un-punished for their evil throughout the entire narrative. Even the main focaliser of the story seems to sympathise!
Perhaps worse is the use of ancient pagan mythology! Even the title itself encourages knowledge of ancient gods and their lies.
BAN VALHALLA NOW WHILE WE CAN
I know you’re joking, but Vibeke had to endure a loss, and Violet ends up losing a huge opportunity in the end.
She lost an opportunity but gained a sequel. So nefarious is the accursed author that another novel is coming in November. We shall be working to ban it as well.
And it’ll be a whole lot more controversial than Valhalla, seriously speaking now, so a chunk of tumblr will legitimately be trying to ban it this time. Ragnarök will make some people angry. I’m very interested to find out how it plays here. Whether it gains an even wider following, or whether it alienates the casual reader and focuses the small group of more die-hard fans into super-ultra-mega-fans.
But uh, nevermind that for now. BAN VALHALLA! BAN IT BEFORE IT’S TOO LATE!!!
I NEED TO BUY THIS BOOK!! WHERE DO I BUY IT?! I NEED IT SO WHEN IT GETS BANNED I CAN BE LIKE “THE FUCK IS THIS BOOK BANNED FOR?!”
It’s available here, until we can ban it:
Amazon Kindle <—- Click “Look Inside” for a free two chapters!
Publisher Paperback <—- Includes free eBook!